"I came out at a young age; I was 13. My parents are so hardworking and while we have our ups and downs- like any family does- they were really supportive of me. It took a lot digesting and adjusting to expressing myself in terms of my gender- it was really hard. I used to indulge in a lot of bad things to cope with my anxiety, and to fit in. I wanted to be accepted and welcomed into this society so badly because I felt like an imposter, like I didn't belong or fit here, so I did what I could. But while it was really bad for me- physically, for my health- it was the only thing that I knew how to make myself feel better with. Everything I suppressed within myself in terms of family problems, beginning my transition, etc. had elevated, and it wasn’t healthy at all. Soon I saw food- what I sell in my small business and help my parents make and sell in theirs- as a way out.
My parents are workaholics, and all I’ve really known is working in a kitchen. I spent a lot of time with my grandmother growing up, and I remember going out with her to sell the food we would make whether it was tamales, champurrado, etc. Soon I began helping my parents sell food, too; My dad sells Mexican seafood dishes and to this day I still help him make and deliver the food he caters on weekends. Food began to become a part of me. Selling things- in this case, food- is like a necessity in my family. This life in the kitchen- along with the support and encouragement of my mom- led me to start my own small business selling different agua frescas, coffees, boosters, and my own remedies. Everything I sell is vegan and made from scratch; the chocolate syrups, the cold brew, and the juices are 100% natural and made from scratch and I use alternative milks in my coffees.
I started medically transitioning at the young age of 18 or 19 after waiting many years to start it. It’s scary because people don’t want to be open about the vulnerability this requires, they only want to highlight certain assets of it- the ‘pretty’ parts. It feels like the entire world is on top of me all because I am choosing myself and trying to be truly me. It’s really a journey. I was socialized to be a cis straight woman and it messes with my body image, the dynamic of my personal relationships, and the way I treat and perceive myself. The access I have to therapy saved me more than anything and is something I wouldn't be here without. People are so scared to talk about the truth of and behind mental illness nowadays, but I am surrounded by people, here, with similar experiences, identities, and situations that I get to be open to about my own. These vulnerable moments are so important.
I’ve always had difficulty with friendships. Friends in the past made me feel so insecure about my self and external image and how I ‘deserved to be treated’- it made me feel guilty about being who I am and wanting what I wanted. But newer friendships that I’ve recently made have allowed me to become more compassionate and loving- towards myself and others. This friendship reminds me that I have people who really want me around, value me, and see my worth. I don’t feel like I have to sacrifice so much of myself, I know that every feeling is being reciprocated.
Women have played such a huge role in my life, I look up to women the most- mainly my mom, grandma, sister, and friends. Without women we wouldn’t have shit- I wouldn’t be here where I am today without the women in my life. And I am so thankful that women feel comfortable around me because I know what it’s like to be a woman. But even as a man, I am still taken advantage of.
I grew up advocating- for myself- and it is something I’d say I’m extremely passionate about. I don’t see many transgender men speaking up about certain things when they should, and I’ve seen some people say or do things that really shake me. I have been constantly under the microscope since I came out; Everyone is watching me and observing everything I do. Sometimes I feel like I’m not good enough but I remind myself that if I’m passionate about something- in this case, advocating for myself and my identity- then others might be, too, whether it’s for me or for themselves. For this reason I try to be as blunt and as honest- with myself and others- as possible. I am resilient and determined- I am a fighter. When I was transitioning, I often felt at my lowest- it was a difficult thing to do, emotionally, and my dad would always tell me that I’m a fighter, that I had to continue pushing through and that I could do it. As a trans person, I am constantly told that I am ‘brave’, and it’s hard to take in because I shouldn’t be told that I am brave or strong for choosing myself and being who I am. This is me. I try to retain everything everyone says to me in a positive way, though, because I know most mean well.
I’m always doing what I can for my community, and I want to provide for them something more- Especially for queer and trans people who have been hiding under a rock because they are scared. Something I’ve always wanted to do is transform my small business into a café/warehouse type of thing. I want it to be big and have my café in one corner, a stage for artists or musicians to perform, and an area to host pop-ups and support small businesses. It’s something I want to do for myself and share with other people. This is my goal, and I want it to serve as a safe place for all people who feel like they don’t have anywhere to go or as if they are alone in their journey- they shouldn’t be.
I enjoy supporting others- whether it’s with their small businesses, with their lives, etc. But sometimes I feel like I don’t do enough, and I always want to do more. I know how it feels to feel alone and go through feeling like you don’t belong in this world, so I try to be as open and as honest and raw as possible with others. I share my story in hopes of helping other people relate and/or realize that they really aren’t alone in their journey. In advocating for myself I hope others do the same for themselves- especially people like me or those in similar situations. When you advocate for yourself you can become your truest self. I’ve had friends recently tell me that they feel like they are finally meeting me for the first time, they're like, 'It's so nice to finally meet you'- even if we’ve known each other for so long. And it’s not just because of my transition but because I am finally living, breathing, and doing what I want to do."
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