My mom is from Mexico and my dad is from Guatemala, but I never really knew the difference back then- I was just a kid and so I was never really interested in learning about my background or culture. Growing up, I had identity issues with my background. I never really identified as both Mexican and Guatemalan, because I felt heavily disconnected from my Guatemalan culture growing up in Downey where the majority of Latinos are Mexican. For a long time, I identified as only Mexican just to defer questions about Guatemala because I didn’t know much about it. It wasn’t until my Freshman year in college where I really began feeling empowered and interested in learning about my cultural background. I took a lot of Anthropology classes which actually really prompted me to learn more; So much to the point where I began using my assignments to investigate my own roots. It wasn’t until then, and taking a trip to Guatemala my Sophomore year of college, when I realized I was missing out on a whole different side of myself. These classes elicited an interest in social justice issues within and around my community, and helped me realize that I have a voice to advocate for others.
I think because I took these classes, I’ve become more sensitive to different communities being attacked- especially now, with the Black Lives Matter movement- and endured a passion for social justice issues. The protests taking place last summer gave me time to reflect on my role as an Anthropologist and how our job is to use our voices to uplift other voices that have trouble being heard. It was really hard to accept the fact that a lot of people were silent during times of importance when protests were taking place- It just didn’t sit right with me. But I’ve felt so empowered to use my voice for others in their place. I want to be part of this movement and make changes in this world for the better. And I realize that if I want to be an ally, I need to be able to use the privileges that I have to highlight the issues others may be afraid to voice out whether it’s to the city, to the government, to different organizations, etc.; I am learning about other people and how to use the education I’ve received to help out.
My parents were not able to receive an education like I've been able to because of their lack of resources, and they’ve spent their lives in effort to provide me with the right one. I am truly blessed to be able to receive such a great education at Cal State Long Beach and- hopefully- complete my Master’s Degree in Applied Anthropology next semester. These past five years have been entirely dedicated to my education and making my parents proud. I lived with the pressure that you can go to college, but you have to graduate, too. I’ve put my 100% into everything that I do to ensure this- So much that I had become a perfectionist. I’ve observed myself staying up so much later than I probably should have studying, investigating, interviewing, and putting in work that I had become so blind to the point that I became dissatisfied with myself. I couldn’t make myself happy no matter how much work I accomplished, and I had stopped taking care of myself in the process; I became increasingly anxious and couldn’t go out with friends, attend tutoring or professor hours, etc. without overthinking every little thing.
I became very tired of this routine after a while and sought out help. I hate feeling unmotivated, and I don’t like being or feeling stuck. My therapist has helped me realize how blind I was to my successes and opened up my eyes to all the things I can accomplish if I just breathe. Through therapy, I’ve gained more confidence in myself and my work. I’ve become less scared and have found myself doing and going after things I normally would have never. I have definitely participated more in school; I present my work more often in class, I attend conferences and speak up when prompted, and normally public speaking isn’t for me but I am more open to it now- In fact, I seek it. My campus job as a tour guide has also helped me step outside of my comfort zone. I am no longer afraid to utilize my knowledge to voice out my opinions. I realize that it’s okay to not be perfect.
My parents are my biggest motivators, and I look up to them the most. When I’ve struggled in school or feel like giving up- because college is difficult- I think about them and all the sacrifices they’ve made for me and the opportunities they didn’t receive because they’re immigrants, and it motivates me to keep pushing through. It’s a long journey but it is entirely rewarding in the end. My parents’ stories, efforts and struggles to provide an education to my sister and I are what truly keep me going. I just want to make my parents proud and make their efforts worth the struggle.
For the past two years I’ve been studying and researching street vendors; I’ve been learning about the politics around it and, recently, how the pandemic has affected them. Right now it’s especially hard because they’re struggling to cope with cities cracking down on them; I’m researching and making efforts to try and find solutions. I've even created a list of resources for them in Los Angeles which I think would be helpful in dealing with the new permitting system. The list also includes some materials that have been recommended to me by street vendors themselves that the rest of the community might find useful.
Learning is something that I’ve learned to love and find pride in and a passion for. I am someone who believes there’s always room for growth. With this desire, I choose to push myself to learn about street vendors, different communities, movements, and different people in efforts to use my voice to make a change- even if in the slightest way.
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